Through various streets, passing places I should have known, but didn't, I sat silently in the car.
Just moments before we'd started our journey I had come face-to-face with my son, Jake, for the first time in 7 days. He'd grown so much, his little face shone upon seeing me. That image alone caused me to sob uncontrollably.
Looking at my boy he knew that 'daddy' wasn't well and he did the only thing he knew how, he smiled and hugged me.
Words cannot define that moment, but if I'd died during that embrace my life would have been worthwhile for this moment alone.
We turned into a street, this was to be our journey's end, not that I knew it at the time. Laura stepped out the car, I hesitated, glaring out the window desperately trying to identify my 'home', something that I could assign recognition to.
It didn't come, instead I stepped out of the car and stood in the street looking lost and helpless, a stranger in a place I should have known.
Laura removed Jake from the car and headed towards number 61 Gordon Street. The door to the house was blood red, I stared at it trying to force my mind to remember, but only succeeded in hurting my eyes.
Holding Jake, Laura turned the key in the lock. The door swung open straight into the front room. Well it looked like a dining room.
Laura boldly stepped inside, me, I entered tentatively, nervously as if the house wasn't my own. I crossed over the threshold and the instant that I did so, a voice spoke to me in my head. "You're a guest here only."
The room was relatively small, but was nicely decorated with a feature fire place and a wall lined with striped wallpaper. The other walls were neutrally painted and clean.
On the walls were pictures of Jake, Laura and a face I recognised, mine. A huge family photo hung on the wall to the right of me. I was in the picture.
There's no denying it now I thought, this is my wife, my son, my home.
Walking around the rest of the house I recognised nothing, but I knew that this house was where all this had transpired. I hated it, I wanted to run out and leave.
How could I be a husband to a wife I didn't know, a father to a growing boy, a man of a house I despised?
I could think of nothing more than fear. Every move I made in the house for the rest of the day was done with caution.
The truth is, I felt like a little fish in an ocean. I was now out of my depth, this is my reality, I am a husband, a father and head of a household. I've got to make this work. I will have to re-build my life from here.
Was I up to the challenge? Only time would tell.
