Hours after the visit of 'Claire', my wife
turned up. During visiting hours, I underwent another test, this time with
quite a suave sounding doctor. Dr Matthews was here to measure my 'brain
activity'. Interesting I thought to myself.
He fitted some wacky contraption to my head and proceeded to tell me that this would measure my brain waves and look for signs of any abnormal activity.
Brilliant I thought, maybe I would get some answers to what had happened to me. It was playing on my mind that I'd had all these tests and yet, not one had uncovered any results as to why I had collapsed and lost my memory.
Whilst the test was going on I tried to recall some memories. It was like the game Jenga, I would start building the tower, but before long I could visualise the blocks being pulled out and the tower would topple.
I could remember very little and whilst playing this game Dr Matthews would be asking me a series of questions. I couldn't answer any of them. "Who's the Prime Minister?", "What's the Queen's name?"
On it went and I couldn't answer anything. My thoughts returned to Claire. Was that God? I asked myself.
Having met Tony, having been told about my 'past' life, in that moment a warm breeze passed over me. I felt it, like an invisible breath. Someone was here that I couldn't see, yet the very presence was captivating, tangible and very heavy in the room.
I raised a smile, I closed my eyes and saw beyond the realm of this world, above the clouds, above the earth and beyond the universe.
I remember being in a chamber, I could see two thrones. One was exceptionally large, whilst the one to the right (my left as I looked) was drenched in blood, but written in the blood was the word 'Love'.
This was very real, it was happening here and now. As I scanned the throne room, I came across the Gold Figure from a few days earlier. He was much clearer to me now.
He smiled and held his arms wide. He was crying and surrounded by 1000s of other figures I couldn't make out. The figures were singing, the whole place was filled with joy.
I ran and ran and ran towards him and leapt into his arms. He held me and kissed my head. He said nothing, he didn't need to. I knew who he was, he just held me. It's all I needed. I could smell him, touch him and hear his heartbeat as I buried my head into his chest.
I opened my eyes. Dr Matthews and my wife stared back at me. "Nice dream?" asked the doctor. "It was no dream", I said. "It was an amazing experience, a reminder of something I need to figure out."
The doctor said he would have the results back from the test within 24 hours. I didn't care to be honest, I just smiled. He left. It was just me and Laura, we talked. Well, she talked and tried to help me with my memories.
However, I was still in awe of what had just happened. It was about to change the whole dynamic of my life, but I didn't know it at the time.
The picture was perfect, a son with the perfect Father. I understood the battle between good and evil now. There was a real fight for my life, both naturally and supernaturally. But, the word LOVE written in the blood on that throne engraved itself on my heart. I believed in something, I believed in a love stronger than my circumstances.
I looked at Laura. I said "I'm sorry I don't remember you, but I believe in your love." I took her by the hand and we hugged, she cried, I cried, but for the first time I had come across God.
I gripped him. We're going to get through this I thought. I trust you, I know it's you and only you who can bring me, my family and my church family through this.
Laura left. Visiting hours were over. Shortly afterwards the hospital chaplain came onto the ward. She brought me a Bible. I told her about my situation, she was astounded and said she recognised me from a healing conference I'd led worship at when a man by the name of Dave Carr had ministered.
She asked if she could pray for me. I was a little apprehensive, but I agreed. She prayed for a restoration of my memory and higher heights with God beyond this trial. It was all very inspiring and I began to realise that none of these experiences could be deemed 'coincidence', this was God turning a tragedy into a testimony.
I didn't realise it at the time, but I know now that the Spirit of God was breaking out over my life.
The best was yet to come, the power of God consumed me. I felt him. I knew that all this was not made up. I was convinced. I could smile, something I had not done in many days.
Invigorated, inspired and encouraged. My conversation with the chaplain revealed more about my relationship with God. She remembered that my worship was passionate, different, taking the church somewhere new. "It was groundbreaking," she said. "Your voice was incredible and you carried such authority and displayed such an intimate relationship with God that those that you were leading in worship were healed by your worship.
I was embarrassed now. I couldn't imagine it, that I had impacted so many lives. I truly believed now that God was in this somewhere.
Request...
For those of you that remember events where I've led worship or any impact that I've had on your life, please get in touch by commenting on this blog or via Facebook. You may be helping me to fill in the blanks. Much love and may the love of God grip you all in ways you never thought possible!!!
He fitted some wacky contraption to my head and proceeded to tell me that this would measure my brain waves and look for signs of any abnormal activity.
Brilliant I thought, maybe I would get some answers to what had happened to me. It was playing on my mind that I'd had all these tests and yet, not one had uncovered any results as to why I had collapsed and lost my memory.
Whilst the test was going on I tried to recall some memories. It was like the game Jenga, I would start building the tower, but before long I could visualise the blocks being pulled out and the tower would topple.
I could remember very little and whilst playing this game Dr Matthews would be asking me a series of questions. I couldn't answer any of them. "Who's the Prime Minister?", "What's the Queen's name?"
On it went and I couldn't answer anything. My thoughts returned to Claire. Was that God? I asked myself.
Having met Tony, having been told about my 'past' life, in that moment a warm breeze passed over me. I felt it, like an invisible breath. Someone was here that I couldn't see, yet the very presence was captivating, tangible and very heavy in the room.
I raised a smile, I closed my eyes and saw beyond the realm of this world, above the clouds, above the earth and beyond the universe.
I remember being in a chamber, I could see two thrones. One was exceptionally large, whilst the one to the right (my left as I looked) was drenched in blood, but written in the blood was the word 'Love'.
This was very real, it was happening here and now. As I scanned the throne room, I came across the Gold Figure from a few days earlier. He was much clearer to me now.
He smiled and held his arms wide. He was crying and surrounded by 1000s of other figures I couldn't make out. The figures were singing, the whole place was filled with joy.
I ran and ran and ran towards him and leapt into his arms. He held me and kissed my head. He said nothing, he didn't need to. I knew who he was, he just held me. It's all I needed. I could smell him, touch him and hear his heartbeat as I buried my head into his chest.
I opened my eyes. Dr Matthews and my wife stared back at me. "Nice dream?" asked the doctor. "It was no dream", I said. "It was an amazing experience, a reminder of something I need to figure out."
The doctor said he would have the results back from the test within 24 hours. I didn't care to be honest, I just smiled. He left. It was just me and Laura, we talked. Well, she talked and tried to help me with my memories.
However, I was still in awe of what had just happened. It was about to change the whole dynamic of my life, but I didn't know it at the time.
The picture was perfect, a son with the perfect Father. I understood the battle between good and evil now. There was a real fight for my life, both naturally and supernaturally. But, the word LOVE written in the blood on that throne engraved itself on my heart. I believed in something, I believed in a love stronger than my circumstances.
I looked at Laura. I said "I'm sorry I don't remember you, but I believe in your love." I took her by the hand and we hugged, she cried, I cried, but for the first time I had come across God.
I gripped him. We're going to get through this I thought. I trust you, I know it's you and only you who can bring me, my family and my church family through this.
Laura left. Visiting hours were over. Shortly afterwards the hospital chaplain came onto the ward. She brought me a Bible. I told her about my situation, she was astounded and said she recognised me from a healing conference I'd led worship at when a man by the name of Dave Carr had ministered.
She asked if she could pray for me. I was a little apprehensive, but I agreed. She prayed for a restoration of my memory and higher heights with God beyond this trial. It was all very inspiring and I began to realise that none of these experiences could be deemed 'coincidence', this was God turning a tragedy into a testimony.
I didn't realise it at the time, but I know now that the Spirit of God was breaking out over my life.
The best was yet to come, the power of God consumed me. I felt him. I knew that all this was not made up. I was convinced. I could smile, something I had not done in many days.
Invigorated, inspired and encouraged. My conversation with the chaplain revealed more about my relationship with God. She remembered that my worship was passionate, different, taking the church somewhere new. "It was groundbreaking," she said. "Your voice was incredible and you carried such authority and displayed such an intimate relationship with God that those that you were leading in worship were healed by your worship.
I was embarrassed now. I couldn't imagine it, that I had impacted so many lives. I truly believed now that God was in this somewhere.
Request...
For those of you that remember events where I've led worship or any impact that I've had on your life, please get in touch by commenting on this blog or via Facebook. You may be helping me to fill in the blanks. Much love and may the love of God grip you all in ways you never thought possible!!!
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